Worthwhile
by refracted
Summary: Because Sai isn't merely close enough. Lemon.


**disclaimer:** i do not own.

**notes: **inspired by _open your eyes _by _snow patrol._

**warning: **yes, this _is _a lemon. ferserious, yo. i feel so edgy, it's only my first one.

**dedicated to: **all of my lovely reviewers, and, of course—you lemon lovers. (:

**summary: **because sai isn't merely close enough.

* * *

all this feels **strange **

_and untrue—_

but i won't waste a **minute**

_without you—_

my bones **ache**

_for you—  
_

my skin feels **cold**

_without your touch—_

and i'm getting so **tired**

_of hiding—_

and so **old**

_but you make it all—  
_

worthwhile

* * *

-

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Life was _harsh _when you missed someone.

It was an uncontrollable and unwanted feeling, an emotion that created a swirling pain within your chest—strangling you. And nobody liked being strangled. It could only be healed by the missed person being with them, next to them—just to see their wonderful shining face and their bright smile one more time. Missing someone made you realize how _important _they were. How much you loved every second of their company, how you loved every part of them—their laugh, their scent, their voice, their embrace, their smile, themselves as a whole.

But it also reminded you how alone you were, and how _unimportant _you were without them.

Like Sakura, for instance. She had always thought if anyone missed her—apart from the usual Naruto and her friends. It was nearly _normal _for them to miss her, and that made her feel that she wanted to be needed from someone else other than them. Most of all, she wanted to be _missed _by Uchiha Sasuke. Sad enough, she had been so distraught that she once used Sai as a comparison. Sai was alike to Sasuke, emotionless, the same old onyx eyes and jet-black hair—and sure enough, he missed her, despite the insults of "ugly" that came regularly.

But Sai wasn't Sasuke.

It made her feel so _pained _of the thoughts that, really, she was just using Sai. Sai was much better than Sasuke in many ways, but Sasuke just made every other male seem _boring. _But, at least, she could pretend. And looking at the sparkling ring on her finger, she frowned. Pretending didn't heal all the wounds, however. She still knew that the thoughts still existed. The thoughts that she _knew _were true. That _he'd _never come back, that he'd never love her, and that _she'd _never move on. Never.

Because Sasuke was Sasuke.

And Sasuke was the only one—the Sasuke that, she had concluded, only kept the thoughts of _revenge, blood, death and hatred _in his mind. He most definitely left no space for her, there were no rooms for her to rent. All the rooms in his head were taken, and he'd never create one for her. She was alone, she was alone. And just as she had said, even though she has _so _many friends—if he's not one of them, it doesn't matter anymore. By this time, it looked like that she'd be alone forever.

And forever was a long time.

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But Sakura was always _wrong._

Sasuke, indeed, _did _have all of the rooms in his mind taken—but what about his heart? Laying awake, eyes cold, the Uchiha was spending _another _sleepless night in the Oto base. Another was an understatement, because, in fact—it had been _every _single night. He had gotten used to it, physically, but his emotional side would never be the same again. It made him _regret _leaving that village—what is it's name again?—and Uchihas never regretted _anything. _But Uchiha _Sasuke _was a different story altogether.

After having left _Konoha_—that's it's name—his body had been plagued. Not by Orochimaru, not by a curse, but by the two, simple words of Team 7. Team 7 no longer existed anymore, because an absence of one team-mate made it... dead. And the absence of Konoha itself made Sasuke dead. The village he had once called insignificant was now his only portion of life left. Especially that girl, that girl.

_Sakura..._

His thin lips twitched absentmindedly at the thought of her name. She was his main source of life—her smile, most of all. Cheering him up everyday, making him smile _just a little bit _every day. Making his pathetic life all the worthwhile. She made his _life _worthwhile. But, without her smile, what meaning is his life? Absolutely nothing. He's already killed—Itachi—and he doesn't have the will to destroy that small, _significant _village anymore. He doesn't have the will to destroy the non-existent _Team 7 _again. He doesn't have the will to destroy Sakura.

And, at the age of eighteen, Uchiha Sasuke's life was seemingly meaningless.

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Walking in the forest, crunching, crunching—

Sasuke stared up at the pitch black sky, slightly covered by the intimidating forest branches around him, making a _whispering _sound as it moved against the wind. The leaves under him calmed as he relaxed his posture. There were no stars, but there was a moon. Alone. Just like him. But, missing someone didn't make him feel _alone—_it made him feel _stupid._ He couldn't do anything now, he wouldn't be accepted in Konoha—and he wouldn't revive his clan anymore. Not if it wasn't with Sakura.

Sakura—the name that had brought a disease into his mind and heart, taking up every ounce of it's space and filling up every moment of his time. Sakura, Sakura, Sakura. How many times had that name occurred in his thoughts? It was surely incessant. And how many times was she pictured in his mind, with her flowing, pink hair, her vibrant green eyes, her luscious, red plump lips—he sighed, looking down onto the ground.

_He paused._

He had seen red, red. _What is that—? _He looked forward, his eyes turning cold and appalled._ Who _is that—? Long, red dress, tousled with diamonds and a _rose. _A rose? _A rose? _Glittering neckless, swan neck, grim smile, adorned pink cheeks—_emerald _eyes. Pink hair, in a bun. Emerald eyes, pink hair, creamy, pale skin, graced fingers, and—

—a ring.

A ring.

Sakura...

Sakura.

"Sakura?" His eyes falter. She was getting _married. _He could see how clear the diamond was, how _clean _it was. It was new. She must've been engag—no, surely _not. _No. Engaged? No. Not with anyone but _him. _It has to be him, it has to, it has to—

But it's _not._

He knows that this is all an illusion, because why would _she _be in the middle of a forest near the Oto base at three in the morning? That'd just be insane fate, but it isn't. She's here, as symbolism, as a sign. The ring. It's purposely brighter than anything else on her, shining a blistering and piercing light. A _painful _light. However, it's not as painful as her smile is. It couldn't even be _classified _as a smile. It's a wrecked, tearful and jagged smile, with _sososo _much angst and wretchedness.

Are those even _more _roses? They're appearing in her hand, and she's bracing them softly—_nononono! _Don't walk away from me! She's smiling, she's _smiling—_a true smile. She's... crying. He watches a single tear drip down her face as she turns around, and the whole vision of a _wedding _appears. The audience—is that _Naruto? _Why isn't he _smiling? _He's frowning. Everyone is clapping, but they don't have happy faces. Why not? Sasuke muses. He unintentionally follows after her, shock evident on his face. She stops at the top of the aisle, and he sees not _himself, _but another man.

It's that replacement—Sai. _Replacement? _You've replaced _me_?

He can see the priest's lips moving, but no sound is coming out. He's holding some sort of book, and motioning his eyes towards Sakura and Sai. _Sakura, Sakura, Sakura—_what are you doing? The priest holds up both of his hands into the air, and Sasuke's heart clenches as he watches Sakura glance towards him, which would've been the chapel's door—and then, and then...

And then she kisses him.

Sai.

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He's falling, he's falling.

But it isn't long until he gets up again.

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He arrives at the assigned window an hour later, leaning amongst a tree branch, that's merely keeping his weight.

His obsidian eyes drift amongst the room, and they stop—they stop once they land on _her. _She's sitting on the bed, a picture frame in her hand. But, she's not with _Sai, _she's alone. They're _not _having their honeymoon at all. What _is _happening? His eyes squint on the picture frame, and with his exceedingly far-sighted Sharingan, he sees it. It's the picture of Team 7, five years ago. When Sai didn't exist, when it was just him and Sakura.

He frowns, but his frown increases even more so when he hears her whisper.

"_Sasuke..._" He watches her hand trace the picture frame, her fingernails gliding his face on the photo. He then realizes that she's not wearing the ring anymore. He hears her laugh, and it's broken, it's cracked. The tears fall down her cheeks, dripping onto the picture. She laughs again. It's even _more _painful. "Sasuke, Sasuke..." She murmurs. His stomach is filled with _that _feeling again. "...Why won't you come _home_?" His heart stops. Why _won't _he come home? He questions himself. Because he's _afraid? _Because _she's _married to _someone else? _That's not him?

_Because he's afraid_ sounds much better.

Nevertheless, he is pulled to answer her. It's a magnetic field, and he's losing. He's being attracted, closer and _closer _to the window. It's not like the wind is on his side either. He just whispers softly, and it's loud enough to be heard. "I _can't_." He answers, and her head twists around as quickly as the sound of light travels, and her eyes widen. He analyses how so many emotions fly in her eyes when she sees him, passing her pupils every second, but always landing and finishing on _love._

He leaps down from the branch and into the room, and his movement is so graceful and agile without mistake or difficulty. Maybe it's because she makes him like this. "Sasuke—" She speaks, and then pauses. She's trying to figure out what to say. "—What... what are you doing here?" Her eyes droop down from his form, because she's _afraid _that she'll fall for him all over again. After all, he's just as mesmerizing as before, dragging her in just as—unknown to her—what she's doing to him. But, he ignores her question. He doesn't have the time to waste with her.

"I heard you were getting married." He says frankly, his voice monotonous, but it's the type of monotonous that kills you with it's dead atmosphere. She gasps, her innocent eyes connecting with his. She sees how he's not accepting this, and how he _doesn't _want this. She fumbles with her fingers, but she is stopped when his cold hands intertwine with her, sending electrical currents through her skin, making her immobilized. "Answer me," he commands sternly, even though he knows the answer. Still, he has enough hope—amazingly—to think that his wild dream was a _lie. _

"Y-Yes, I did." She stutters, and his hope is broken. He frowns, his eyes faltering once again, trying to adjust to the suffering that she's creating within him. "Why?" He asks, and at all of a sudden the pain and hurt in his voice is evident, and it shocks her—as she hasn't quite heard anything like this from him. He squeezes her hand, and she is frozen by the way he is acting. _What are you doing to me? _"Because I love Sai." She replies, and he is broken again. She lets go of his hand, and stands up, walking to the mirror and gazing into it. She notices how the reflection gives the view of an infuriated yet solemn Sasuke. She takes a deep breath in.

"I had a chance to—I had a chance to _forget _you." Her voice trembles on the word "forget," and soon she is crying all over again. They're both crying, because the tears can be shown within his eyes, but just not emerging. She hears him walk off the bed, his every footstep making her heartbeat faster. "I've never had the chance to forget you, Sakura." He murmurs as he is within a metre behind her. "And I won't _ever _make one." _I can't. _He leans his head on her shoulder, taking in the scent of her. Cherry blossoms and apple—he closes his eyes gently.

"But—" He starts, enhaling, "I can make the chance to... to _care _for you." He mumbles, but he's lucky that she understands that he can't quite say the word _love _yet. She feels as his arms wrap around her waist from behind, and she was once cold, but now she is warm. As his arms encircle, he turns her around, so that her head meets with his muscular yet unbelievably soft chest. His hold tightens as his nose is buried into her hair. His lips trace her temple, down her cheek, and onto the side of her mouth.

She swears that she's stopped breathing.

His lips stop there, kissing slightly, but they are not fully connected. She knows what he is trying to say, that he can't say that he _loves _her, but he can _show _that he does. As he pulls her closer, he feels her sleeping gown connecting with his robe. Her sleeping gown is thin, making him feel the scorching heat of her skin underneath. The uncontrollable need and desire takes over as his lips pass the side of her mouth, and then onto the whole of her lips, taking her in—kissing her possessively yet passionately.

He is immediately aroused as she squirms in his grip, gasping as his tongue probes into her mouth unexpectedly. She stands motionlessly as she feels how desperate he is, how hungry he is for not just her body—but herself, her heart and her soul. His tongue traces her cavern, remembering her taste. Soon, as they are breathless, he leans his nose against hers, staring right into her eyes in a burning lock as he rips the sleeping gown off her—revealing her red panties and bra.

Tears escape from her eyes as she realizes that this is the beginning of their love making, and that he _does _love her, as it is shown by the intense emotion that is erupted simply from his onyx orbs. He kisses the tears that are glistening down her cheeks, and then he collides her lips with his again as he takes off her bra, only to feel her hardened nipples. She moans, tipping her head back and breaking their lip contact as he moves his hands expertly on her nipples, feeling one sensually and kissing the other.

He then exchanges, giving the other one equal contact. She continues to moan a sweet and wanting sound, begging for more. She grips her hands into his hair, pulling his mouth closer. "_S-Sasuke, _Sasuke-kun!" She screams, pulling him closer. He smirks as the suffix returns, but she then whimpers at the lost of contact when he leaves her breasts to attack her neck, leaving marks and hickeys all around her skin. She moans again as he bites her, making him even more possibly aroused than he already is.

"You're _mine..._" He hisses possessively, but it is soft and gentle at the same time, filled with love and protection. Nevertheless, he turns harder at her heavy breaths, and his voice changes from soft to growling. He trails his lips to her ear, whispering her several encouragements while she grinds against him hopelessly, wanting more and more. "_Sakura..._" He groans, leaning his head closer to her sweaty, rose locks. "I've been thinking about you every night, about _fucking _you so hard..." He grunts, his words making her even wetter. "But, I won't _fuck _you, I'll _make love _to you..." His voice fades as his mouth drifts down her stomach, kissing her fiercely, creating the anticipation in her stomach again—only to rip her panties as well.

"_Sasuke! Sasuke! _I need you!" She calls, and he smirks in his increasing male pride and throbbing erection as he pumps in one finger into her wet and hot core, groaning as he feels the liquid and her tightness. "_God, _Sakura, so fucking tight..." He purrs. "So _wet _for me already." She moans and screams in ecstasy as his speed increases. "Sasuke-kun, I'm going to, _oh, _go faster!" She orders as he obliges, feeling her coming onto the edge. His fingers leave her, and she whimpers again, but it is only to be replaced by his tongue, making her yell out in pleasure.

His tongue greedily laps into her dripping core, taking in every space. She throws her head back even more, once again holding his head and pushing him even more in, thousands of colours appearing into her mind. In more desire of pleasure, she wraps her legs around his neck, gripping him in. Soon, she explodes, falling into the exhilarating sky. The liquids of her own self pour down into her mouth, and he swallows them, smirking even more so as the taste is beautiful and delectable. She collapses onto the floor, breathing much heavily than before, exhausted from all of the euphoria and pleasure. He watches her breasts lift up and down, and the trickling of even more liquid trailing down her legs.

He grows painfully hard as she lifts back up, pulling off his shirt aggressively and taking off his boxers. They are now both naked, but they don't feel any shame or the icy temperature around them as they are too lost in the moment, staring into each others eyes. His orbs suddenly fill with concern, asking her a silent question, and she then nods, lacing her hands around his neck and pulling him to entangle with her again. She kisses his chest, leaving lines of saliva all on his body. He grunts, commenting on how sexy she is, watching her locks trail over her eyes and the sweat coat her body like silver.

"I need you." He growls, the stare between them intensifying. She smiles as she hears the word "need," as it is not "want"—and the two words hold difference of love and lust. He positions himself onto her, and she moans as she feels his pulsing tip on the outside of her core. Without warning, he pushes himself in, and she screams at the sudden pain, tears falling down. He kisses her tears away, murmuring healing words to make her feel better. A few seconds later of adjusting, she nods, rocking her hips forward as he moans. Grabbing her hips, they collide together, moving in systematic rhythms.

They are grunting each others name, screaming to the Heavens above them, connecting with each other. He realizes that she isn't looking his way, making him slightly angered. He grips her hips harder, whispering breathlessly: "Sakura, open your eyes. Look at me, Sakura. Look at me." His voice is ordering, but her eyes soften as she sees him staring at her with the look of love as they rock each other endlessly into the colourful void. Their eyes connect, and she starts moaning second after second.

"_Sasuke, Sasuke! _Go faster! Oh, God, yes! Oh!" She breathes out to him as his speed increases, hitting her so hard that he reaches her soft spot, making her squeal in immense pleasure. He growls as he feels her walls tightening around his groin, the liquids from her emerging. "Sasuke! I'm going, to—oh! That's it! _Harder, _faster! Oh!" She calls out to him as she reaches her end, climaxing as the first, but he continues slamming into her as much as his heart and strength gives him—wanting to award her with as much pleasure as he can.

She falls limp as he climaxes within her, groaning her name. He falls next to her, avoiding from falling onto her. He reaches out his arm, pulling from underneath her and grabbing her closer to him. They breathe heavily, breathing together. She smiles at the sudden moment as they both stare up to the ceiling, but all they can see is the stars through the transparent glass. They're not alone anymore, and neither is the moon. She then smirks, purring towards him, and she feels him growing hard again.

Crawling on top of him, he watches her every move, joining her with another smirk. "I'm gonna ride you _hard, _Sasuke-kun," She says dirtily, rocking her hips on top of his growing erection, making him grunt. And, then in the next second, her speed increases to a hundred miles per hour, rocking endlessly and groaning as his shaft pours inside of her, hitting her soft spot immediately. "_Yes, _that's it! Make me bounce, Sasuke-kun!" She screams, thumping upon him, her breasts landing on his face, making him suck them whenever it is possible—increasing her mad euphoria and pleasure.

They soon both climax together, groaning as they land on each other, her head on her chest. He kisses her drenched hair, not minding at all that they're filled with a pool of liquids and sweat. "Sakura..." He murmurs, kissing her on the lips, making her smile. "Where is Sai, anyway?" He finally questions, even though they have just finished about an hour of love making, obviously erupting a loud mixture of noises, maybe to be heard. Sakura laughs, shaking her head. "Sai's on a mission, he couldn't be available for the honeymoon..." Her eyebrows droop at the realization, that she has cheated in a marriage.

But, as they say, you can't just let the person you love walk by.

"I love you, Sasuke-kun," She sighs, letting her eyes close by his chest. She fails to see his lips tilt upwards, but it doesn't matter, because she already knows that she's the only person that his smile is reserved for. "I know..." He replies, kissing her hair again. Not long after, he hears her calm breathing, indicating that she has fallen asleep. He watches her angelic persona fill his view, and most of all—her content and comforted smile. If anything, this night altogether has made his life worthwhile. He watches the sunset appear slightly two hours later, scanning her face as the orange light fills her skin. He frowns.

Five minutes later, her head is replaced by a softer comfort—a pillow.

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And when she wakes up—she knows he isn't there anymore.

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* * *

the **anger** swells in my guts

_this feeling—_

and i won't feel these **slices **and** cuts**

_because they're of you—_

i **want** so much to **open your eyes**

_open them—!  
_

'cause i need **you** to look into **mine**

_because one moment of you makes everything—  
_

worthwhile.

* * *

**A/N**: didn't really know how to finish it. sequel might be considered, but, y'know. i like an ending with a fading yet questioning finish. but—if you want a sequel, just say so in your review. hope you liked it. (:

reviews are very much appreciated.

**notes: **no, i don't hate sai at all. in fact, i love him, however—he fit the roll of this story.


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